THE DREADED D WORD
You had a plan. You were going to marry the love of your life. You were going to have a family and grow old together. you started on this amazing journey, and it was great…and then things started going awry…
One day you realize that your life isn’t turning out the way you intended. Yes, you wanted the spouse, the children and everything else that went with it, but somewhere along the way, it stopped being amazing. You hate the monotony and the constant responsibility. You miss the excitement, the fun and the joy that used to be a part of your life. You need to grow and you feel like you’ve stopped growing at some point in this marriage.
And after months, sometimes years of sticking in there and doing what’s right, you decide to throw in the towel and get a DIVORCE!
Or your spouse has decided that the only option for him/her is a divorce.
So now what?
Now you both pick up the pieces, the shattered dreams and you try to move on. Yes, there is anger, rage, a sense of betrayal, a sense of failure.
And when you get past all of that you realize that divorce is one of the best, most amazing tools to finding yourself. I have found that in becoming a divorced woman, I was at first shunned and criticized for choosing that route. Regardless of my reasons, I was a woman and had no right to make that decision.
But divorce gave me something I had never had before in my life. It gave me the freedom to discover who I was, who I wanted to be. Once I got over all the pain and heartache, I started searching for my truth. I was no longer an extension of my spouse, I was my own person. I WAS A PERSON. I was ME. I could explore this me. I could explore my emotions, what I liked, what I didn’t. There was no longer any need to compromise, there were no limitations. I could for the very first time be just me. Explore, experiment, discover… As scary as it was to be just me, the awesomeness of discovering me was beyond anything I could have imagined.
Today, I love the person I have become. And more than that, I love the authenticity of who I am.
I AM MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR
Recently I have found myself being intensely frustrated by peoples’ inability to stand up for their beliefs. We all seem to be waiting for something or someone to come along and rescue us. Rescue us from what, I hear you ask? Well, perhaps we are waiting to be rescued from our mundane everyday lives, or from our “stupid” mistakes, or from a boss we feel we’re forced to endure with no complaint…
FEAR seems to have gripped us by our throats, slowly but surely sucking every breath from our exhausted bodies. We search, we want, we yearn…and still we wait…hoping against hope that someone somewhere will hear our heartfelt desires and deign to grant us our wishes.
When do we stop waiting? What will trigger action? Because action is what is called for – from me, from you, from everyone. Neither you nor I are achieving anything by standing back, waiting for someone-else to take action. I want and so I must act.
We seem to be controlled by fear, exploited by fear and we have, without even realizing it, handed our power over to fear. And what is it really that we fear? Taking that step forward? How many times have we stood on the brink of the precipice, foot in the air, ready to step forward and for some inexplicable reason, we step back, too afraid of just taking that chance?
Risk it, just this once, grab a hold of your dream and just jump off that cliff. I am willing to bet that the Universe will be the wind beneath your wings, taking you to heights you have only ever dreamed off. No-one has ever dreamt with faith and failed. Every dream, every hope and every desire is fulfilled – but only if you take action. After all it is your dream and you and only you can make it happen.
There is no knight in shining armour but for me, for I am my knight in shining armour. I choose, I decide, I take action. And for as long as I do nothing, I remain suspended…
There are no right choices. There are only choices that are right for me.
Recently I came up against a brick wall. Actually I’ve been standing, staring at this brick wall for a while now. I didn’t know where I was or why I was nowhere. For the life of me I could not figure out what was wrong or what went wrong?
I believed that I was making choices everyday – the right ones. I was choosing the right thoughts, making wise decisions and in those decisions always, absolutely always, I was taking into consideration everyone that played an important role in my life. That’s how it should be, right? How could I possibly go wrong?
So then why was I standing here, staring at a blank brick wall, unable to move forward – stagnating?
I had made decisions based on what was right, and on what it was my duty to do – take care of my family…then my husband…and his family…then my child…
…and every decision was based on how to keep everyone happy and well taken care of. So my choices were always based on how to keep the people in my life happy – my mum, my sisters, my boss, my husband, his parents and then my child. Very noble, don’t you think?
So, if all of that what the right thing to do, why was I standing here, wondering what the hell had happened? I was nowhere near where I wanted to be. I was living each day as it came, struggling to keep my head above water, and struggling to make sense of everything. Something had gone seriously wrong, in the story that was my life…
Believing that somehow in this huge universe God had forgotten me, and that somehow I had been overlooked, I went in search of help.
I have always been fascinated by Angels and all things esoteric. So I decided to do a course and after searching for almost a year, I found one that fitted into my schedule – Quantum Life Healing with Wendy of Hands of Dharma. I figured that it was possible that despite my always doing “the right thing”, maybe, somewhere along the line, I had lost my way and needed to find it again.
And so I started my course. And boy was I in for a shock. It wasn’t an impersonal course where Wendy taught and I learned. It was personal, very personal and just as painful. I had been taking care of me and everyone around me for most of my life, so naturally I thought I had all the answers. Wendy pushed and prodded. I pushed back – too stubborn to budge. What did she know about me anyway? I was here to learn the healing techniques, to find myself (in the privacy of my own home) and to heal others… eventually. And then one-day, because as a group, we were not opening up and connecting with each other, we had to each share something very personal about ourselves. In the sharing, I realized that I had some serious issues that I was still holding onto. And that maybe, just maybe I was in the right place and with the right person who was in a position to help me. And so I started to open up. And Wendy just kept on pushing me… right out of my comfort zone!
I have had to search myself – heart and soul. Who was I? What am I? What do I want? Where am I going? What matters to me?
And in this search I realized that in all the years that I was so busy taking care of everyone and their needs, I had forgotten about the most important person in my life – ME! I had stopped dreaming my dreams. I had stopped creating my life.
In making choices, I had forgotten about me. And because of this I was standing staring at this blank wall – all because I had forgotten to create my future. Without dreaming my dreams, how could I create a future for myself. There was none.
But surely that’s not possible. How can anyone stop creating their future? The secret I have found is that I not only needed to dream that dream but I also needed to put that dream into action. Asking myself what I want, is the first step. The second step is asking “how do I make this happen?” And the third step is putting that into action.
I cannot create if I do not make a choice. I cannot make wishy-washy choices. My choices need to always be clear and concise. I need to be certain of what it is I want. My choices must be about what is in my best interest and what makes me happy. I need to always focus only on what I want to achieve in my life.
So choose wisely and know that when you have set clear intentions on what it is you want to achieve in your life, and put that into action, then the universe will work with you to ensure that it does happen.